5 Things to Say to Someone Struggling with Alcohol

One tough aspect of this experience is determining how to react if your loved one relapses. While every situation is different, some approaches tend to be more effective—and kinder—than others. Here are three things you should avoid saying to a friend or family member after a relapse and six you should try instead. Our Recovery Advocates are ready to answer your questions about addiction treatment and help you start your recovery. Blaming the person for their problems will likely cause them to shut down and refuse to listen to you.

They may have started drinking after a particularly stressful event, such as a job loss or the death of a parent. If you’re feeling angry or fed up, consider waiting for another time to have this conversation. If you’ve been arguing a lot lately, consider putting the conversation off for a few days. Wait for a time when you’ve been getting along and have built some trust. Understanding the experiences they might go through when they stop drinking may give you a more well-rounded view of the situation.

Final Tips on Convincing an Alcoholic to Get Help

Remember… you only have control over what you think, say, and do. It’s limiting because people, places, and things are outside of your control. There are many factors contributing to the dynamics of convincing someone with AUD to seek or accept help for their condition.

• Honestly, this step can be just as pertinent to the parents of the alcoholic, as those words ring profoundly true for them, too.
• It can be extremely stressful and draining to live with a person who is dealing with alcohol addiction, even when they appear to be functioning relatively normally.
• Remain consistent in your message so that your loved one doesn’t misunderstand what you want or expect of them.
• Enabling occurs when someone else covers up or makes excuses for the person who has a SUD.
• Chances are they already feel bad about themselves, and calling them names like “alcoholic” or “addict” will only make them feel worse.

Keep in mind that someone with alcohol dependence usually goes through a few stages before they are ready to make a change. Until they begin to contemplate quitting, any actions you take to “help” them quit will often be met with resistance. For those who love someone living with an addiction, it is very difficult to sit back and let the crisis play out to its fullest extent.

Utilize the people in your life.

Prior to the beginning of treatment it is helpful to begin preparing them for the recovery process. This may mean researching different rehab programs together before deciding which is the most appropriate level of care. If the adult child is employed, suggest that they get a medical leave of absence from the employer. They will need to also inquire about their insurance benefits so they can be aware of the out-of-pocket costs of treatment. Since convincing an alcoholic loved one to get help is such an important issue, I encourage you to check out some additional resources that will supplement and augment this free guide. Accordingly, I’ve curated some of the books and podcast episodes that I believe will help you the most.

They may feel an immense amount of guilt and shame and have tried multiple times to reduce or completely stop their alcohol intake with little success. Suggest you work together to develop goals for reducing their drinking. There are many other resources you can explore to help you prepare for a conversation with your partner. Alcohol or substance use is one of the most common reasons people divorce.

Finding Alcoholism Treatment for Your Loved One in New Jersey

Once your friend decides to seek help for their addiction, you should be ready to offer help and make recommendations about treatment programs. If a child, spouse or loved one has an alcohol addiction, it can take a toll on their lives. Alcohol abuse can lead to serious consequences, but that person will likely continue to drink because they have lost control of their alcohol consumption. When you have a loved one with alcohol addiction, you may eventually have to talk to them about your concerns.

You do not have to agree with their behavior or try to fix their problems. Let them know you are willing to understand what they are going through. Your loved one may be dealing with a lot of guilt and self-blame. You can provide support and access to resources that can help them recover.

• For over 20 years Dr. Umhau was a senior clinical investigator at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism of the National Institutes of Health (NIH).
• This may mean researching different rehab programs together before deciding which is the most appropriate level of care.
• To keep the conversation productive, avoid guilting or shaming your loved one with sweeping accusations.
• ” You may be frustrated, but accusations aren’t likely to make the person change their behavior.
• Someone with alcoholism has both a physical and psychological dependence on alcohol.
• People in active addiction can have good jobs, homes and bank accounts, and they can be good spouses, parents or friends.

As distressing as a loved one’s addiction can be, remember to keep matters in perspective, maintain your composure, and avoid catastrophizing. It’s critical that your loved one realizes that their behavior has changed. They may have already noticed differences in their actions or thought patterns. Having their suspicions confirmed by someone they trust may provide the push they need to seek help. Be honest, but choose your words carefully to avoid causing your loved one to become defensive.

Set Boundaries

Alcohol use disorder, or alcoholism, is more than just drinking too much from time to time. Sometimes alcohol as coping mechanism or social habit may look like alcoholism, but it’s not the same. People with alcohol use disorder don’t drink in moderation, even if they say they’re only having one drink. Approaching a family member or friend struggling with alcoholism can be a delicate situation.

A therapist can be a direct ally to help you navigate the situation and set healthy boundaries with your partner. Consider encouraging them to set attainable goals and celebrate their small victories with them. For instance, if your partner typically has several drinks at dinner and decides to only have one, reward them with genuine encouragement. https://soberhome.net/ This may only make them feel hurt and put their defenses up, making it harder to have an open and honest conversation about it later. It’s a good idea to start the conversation when your partner is sober — not intoxicated or hungover. Also try to make sure you’re both in a relatively good place mentally and emotionally.

Don’t Accept Unacceptable Behavior

If it’s your first time learning about this, you have more clarity about where your loved one could potentially reside within the spectrum of AUD. If so… fasten your seatbelt and get ready to have all of your important and timely questions and concerns addressed and answered in this free and comprehensive Ultimate Guide for Convincing an Alcoholic to Get Help. If you’re looking for a proven and comprehensive strategy to convince an alcoholic to get help, you’ve just found one that can significantly help you achieve this outcome. Even though you might want to establish boundaries with the alcoholic it is also important to make it clear that you will support them if they choose to be sober. You can say “I will be here for you when you decide to get help.” This lets them know that you are not abandoning them but must remove yourself from their addictive behavior. Instead of blaming the person and listing off all their flaws and mistakes, focus the conversation on how concerned you feel about them and how their behaviour around alcohol is impacting you.

One way to help them find a realistic sense of optimism is to tap back into their motivations for getting sober, Bachman says. Maybe it’s being a better parent, taking care of their health, being a role model for their little sibling, or running a marathon. This reminds the person that they do have the capacity to be sober, even though it may feel impossible in the moment.

This doesn’t mean not holding the person accountable for the consequences of their actions or acting like they don’t require treatment, he notes, but this show of empathy could mean the world to them. If you’re feeling frustrated, Dr. Brennan suggests venting to a third party you can trust, whether that’s a friend, therapist, or people in a support group (more on that later). “Many people feel horrible about themselves when they’ve suffered a relapse,” Dr. Brennan says. Remember that no matter how much you care or want your partner to get help, they need to make that choice for themselves.

However, it’s important to make sure you’re getting the support you need as well. Lean on the people around you, and, if you need to, reach out to a mental health professional to speak about your stress and what you’re going through. If going to a meeting seems like too big a first step to your friend, suggest an assessment by a counselor, physician or mental health professional who is knowledgeable about substance abuse and sobriety. One approach is to reach out when your friend is hungover or remorseful eco sober house complaints following a drinking or drug-related incident—when the negative consequences are fresh in your friend’s mind. If you can’t meet with your friend right away, that’s okay—in any case, you will want to bring up a whole pattern of events that you’ve noticed rather than an isolated incident. When you call our helpline, you’ll be connected with a representative who can assist you in finding mental health and addiction treatment resources at any of the Ark Behavioral Health addiction treatment facilities.

If you can make that task a little more manageable, your loved one is more likely to take advantage of the work you’ve put into their well-being. If you know someone who has successfully quit drinking, speak with them. Ask them how they finally came to terms with their problem and how they were initially approached.